Hurting...have you read about the stages of grief?
7 STAGES OF GRIEF
Just from reading your last post, it sounds like you're in the pain/anger stages, which is entirely *normal*! You're allowed to feel pissed about what happened.
When I felt this same kind of anger about my XAH, I REALLY understood Step 1: We admitted we were powerless. Yep. That was me. Great Powerless One. There wasn't single bloody thing I could do to stop him from going out EVERY. FRIGGIN. DAY to buy bear or from cracking a can open. (I *hate* that sound now btw).
I punched a lot of pillows back then all the while reminding myself that I didn't cause of this to happen and I couldn't have ever controlled it.
I also struggled with that self-blame, that shame, wondering how *I*, the educated, "smart" one, could fall for someone "like him", and could let herself be treated so poorly for so many years. How shameful!!
And yet, it happened for a very good reason. I was MEANT to go through that crap because one single good thing happened: my daughter was born and through her I learned to love myself.
This is path you're walking. It's a long friggin path. But it's soooo worth it. And we're right here with you.
