Hi,
I need this forum for so many reasons. I was going to go to a face to face alanon meeting today. But, my ex isn't picking up my son. I will go on Wed.
I have two issues that I am dealing with. My son 18 years old, went to detox in Oct for heroin addiction. He and all of his friends, the friends he has been with since kindergarten, were smoking it. He had a recent relapse. He is now living with my ex, and seems to be doing ok. Time will tell.
My insanity at this moment comes from my boyfriend. He was an ex from when I was 18-20. We met up again on fb last winter. He told me about his history, and how he is an alcoholic in recovery and is very committed to recovery. He has lost a lot over his alcholism. He said, he has to put his sobriety first or he has nothing. We live about 2600 miles apart. We got engaged, been traveling back and forth, he has started shipping his belongings here. All was great. I was so proud of him for being sober. He was going to meetings 5-7 nights a week. He got a new job in the spring, and it took over his soul. He was stressed and upset, and all he could do was talk about how he loved his job, but his boss was an jerk, etc. 6 weeks ago, (5 days before I was going out to visit), I was blindsided. His behavior changed in a flash. He wouldn't answer the phone, turned it off. Then started sending really crazy text messages about 6 am, accusing me of cheating, etc. Well, I asked him if he was drinking, he denied at first. But, he was. Three days into it, he calls me in the middle of the night. He was in jail. He got in a fight with his roommate. He called crying, and pleading for me to help him get out of there. I had no ability to do it. But, he sobered up in there, and was remorseful, and begged me not to cancel my visit. He did get out and has a court date on July 16. He is supposed to move here on Aug 15th. As soon as he got out, he went to AA, got a new sponser and started working the program. He was happy, and kind, and loving. We went back to planning our wedding and honeymoon and such. Well, two nights ago, he flipped again. He turned off his phone, and in the morning yesterday, like clockwork he started sending me really mean texts calling me a cheater, and all kinds of mean stuff. I told him not to call me again until he was sober. He said, "K, bye", of course a few hours later nice texts, then I answered. Immediatelly they turned mean. I put my phone setting so his calls go straight to voice mail. But, between yesterday and today, I have been all over the map with my reactions. I tell him I love him, need him, cant believe that he would do this to us. Then I tell him, to go away, he says "No", then he tells me I am not the girl for him. Then he tells me that I'm untrustworthy and a cheater. The last text was 3 hours ago, he said, 'You can't get rid of me yet." I got a weird vibe that there is another woman. But, I doubt that is the case. I think the other woman is his booze. He must be passed out now. Because no contact for three hours. I need direction right now. I just read some articles and pretty much, I am doing everything wrong. I haven't set boundries and stuck to them. I threaten that I won't talk to him until he is sober, and then I get sucked in to some text. I haven't answered his calls, but I keep engaging in these insane texts. I just looked back at my phone, and we have texts every 2 to 30 minutes apart from 0300am til 1230 pm. Today. Reading them, we both sound crazy. We both say, that we love the other, and then say, we are through with each other. I get angry, and he is nice, then he gets angry, I get angry again. Then he asks me how long I will love him for, I say "forever" ugh. WHAT IS WRONG with me? I know I need to go to alanon. But, for today, what do I do to make my insane brain, mellow out. I know God lead me to this board. I have been praying non stop. I'm thinking I should not reply to another text until he says he is sober? I dont know. Right now I feel like the man that loves me has been replaced with his evil twin, and I so desperatly want my man to come back, but I can't get through to him. Does that make sense?
Thanks for reading.
Katfshh
