nodaybut2day -- I'll expect that maybe he wont quit.
He won't. He has to want to quit. If he doesn't then nothing you say will matter.
I expect that the end decision is mine and if I want to be with a drinker or not.
Absolutely. You only have control over YOU. If you can accept him as he is, TODAY, then you will be fine. Because this is as good as it gets. It will only get worse, until he reaches out for help
Like, one thing I want to have under control is: I feel great love and tenderness toward him. I fear hurting his feelings or making him feel like he's not a good person.
Does he worry about YOUR feelings, and how his drinking affects you?
Maybe this is co-dependant 'his feelings are my responsibility' type thinking, or maybe I just love him and care about how he feels.
You are only responsible for you.
"You drink too much and if you dont stop I will leave this relationship" is not how I want to approach this. It may actually be a truth, but there has to be a much better delivery of the message.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I uttered those exact words. I'd be rich.
Making sure I do not cause some emotional unease (which Im sure it will in some form) does not take precedence over getting to the bottom of this though.
When you confront someone with a problem they already know they have, there will always be unease. It's unavoidable.
If you do decide to talk to him, go in knowing he will probably be angry. He will probably say he's not an alcoholic. He will try to make YOU the bad guy. Don't let him.
You didn't CAUSE this.
You can't CONTROL this.
You can't CURE this.
Take care of you, and your feelings. They are the only ones that matter. And the only ones you can control.
Praying for you!