incognito...
My XABF was textbook perfect. On paper, he was much like your man. Kind, considerate, funny, sweet, caring. Took care of the household, did the maintenance on my car, cooked for us most of the time. I lived with him for 3yrs, and I never once paid rent. He had money in the bank, he had no debt, he went to work everyday. He had a good relationship with his parents. My family LOVED HIM! They thought he walked on water.
Sounds like a real keeper right?
EXCEPT for the fact that he drank. Every day. Every night. Every weekend. He drank when he was happy, when he was sad. When he embarassed me, and almost cost me my job, he blamed ME for not knowing he couldn't handle his booze. He blamed me for being unhappy. So, he drank. He blamed me for taking over his house. So, he drank. He blamed me for his inability to get an erection. So, he drank.
He drank himself out of a relationship with a woman that loved him. Cared for him. Hated to leave him. Didn't want to leave him. Wanted to save him. Wanted HIM to want to be saved. Wanted him to validate my existence in his life. Didn't I matter? Didn't I mean anything? Wasn't it enough for ME to love him? Wasn't it enough? HOW could he choose a bottle of Miller Lite over us?
Well, beloved. He did.
It didn't matter what I did. I would never morph into a bottle of beer. I was in the way of his relationship with his first and only love, thy mistress is ALCOHOL. And she is a temptress, a thief, a liar and a homewrecker. She destroyed my love for him, and keeps him company in my place. He chose her over me.
Someday, yours will choose her too. I am prayerful that by then, you will have saved yourself the pain of staying in hopes of being stronger than his addiction. You won't be. Ever.
You are not alone, we have all lost someone we love to this lying witch. I am better off, and in the end, the booze can have him. They belong together. I pray for him daily. I wish him to be saved, and find his way. It's the only thing I can do for him.
Praying for you dear one. ((HUGS))