Like I say you'll be done when you're done. I'm not sure how old you are but I think you're about 17 or something. Writing on this recovery forum for alcoholics and addicts means that you suspect that you're drinking is different to most. Your relationship to booze is likely different.
You have to reach the stage where you see the light so to speak. I was in a similar 'place' of questioning my drinking for a good few years before i reached the point where I was done. I lost my driving license, University, Job, mental health, self-esteem, friends and nearly my home. I could have easily lost my life during that time too. I am very lucky that I got away with things and my body was able to tolerate what I put my heart through at times. It really scared me on occassions where I was worried I would die but obviously was street-wise enough to hold it together without ringing ambulances etc and making a real show. It's russian roulette that you play but i wouldn't have had it any other way.
It is a natural journey. I partied hard with some real mash-heads but I knew deep-down, and they knew too, that my drinking and my relationship to the drug was slightly different to theirs. My drinking progressed to 24/7 drinking over binges of 2/3 days. I dropped out of life. Drinking was my medicine and my lifeblood. Drugs were too. I lived for the party but the parties were usually one man parties.
Drinking F*cks many peoples lives up without them even being alcoholics. However for an alcoholic it will kill you and destroy everything. Many alcoholics never get sober and see the light so to speak. I am very grateful for getting to the stage where I was ready and could see my life ending up in the gutter, quite literally.
I don't regret my drinking and drugging though and I don't blame anyone or anything anymore. I accepted that I was the problem and was willing to change. But only when I was truly ready and willing. No consequences directly made me get sober but the fact I was just beaten by booze.
I had some incredible times whils't drinking and drugging with my friends and best pals. I expereinced some truly amazing and life-changing profound experiences at holidays, music festivals, parties, gatherings, nights out, many nights alone tripping; all of which i would have never experinces without drinking and drugs. However I realised that the 'high-times' were long since over and had to come to an end. It was dark and desolate for a good couple of years as I turned into an obvious alcoholic. Not a good place to be at and I considered killing myself numerous times in my darkest moments. My mental health was screwed and booze was my medicine. It will take over your mind and life if you're an alkie. Those other kids will calm down and grow out of it and settle down and 'play the game'. They will become distant from you as you seek out fellow mash-heads and starting hanging with the low-life. I enjoyed hanging with them but only because they would tolerate my drinking and they were equally as bang into drugs.
I got sober at 23. I'm 24 now.
All The best. Peace and Love x