I had a lot of questions about whether my mom was an alcoholic. She died a long time ago so there is no 'progression' to see or not see - just hind sight.
I denied that out right and just didn't think about it or question if for years. Until very very recently actually.
So, I'm trying to look at it through my eyes. Why exactly would I buy a 6 pack on my way home from work every night? Why would every day off be consumed with drinking? I'm not socializing, I'm not enjoying a drink with a meal, I'm not partying, I'm not anything out of the ordinary, it is just another day in my life. I don't drink a 6 pack to hang out with my kids. I don't crack open a beer in the car on the way home from the grocery store. I don't drink 12 beers when spending a Saturday with my family. What would it say about me if I did that? Why would I ever do such a thing?
I married an alcoholic too. He was a binge drinker/all the time get drunk drinker at first and then eased off into a beer drinker a little like you describe and while it seemed better, it was really just a different phase. Anyway...
I have a lot of compassion for why some people might start to drink or find themselves in such emotional pain that they would need that beer in their hand all the time. But the end result for *me* is that, when it reaches the point where addiction is in charge, the beer is the primary focus. I'm great to have around and they loved me and all, but I really just needed to stay out of the way of the fridge. As long as I knew my place in the hierarchy of life, all was well. The sneaky part is that pretty soon my role demands more then just acceptance - I am 'needed' to pick up pieces, provide emotional support, financial support, understanding, the need about sucks the life out of a person, all sorts of emotional and physical enabling. It was different with my mom then it was with my husband but I'm beginning to be honest that it was a bit soul destroying in both cases. As a child I just assumed I was not enough. I didn't even know why. I remember my mother as a great, loving, fun, dedicated mother. Others do to and she was all those things. She also drank to much. She had tons of her own ACOA issues un-addressed depression and probably PTSD. As an adult, I just thought I needed to work harder, smarter, longer and be better, to get the family I wanted. I did all kinds of mental gymnastics trying to live with denial while managing my life and eventually I hit a mental bottom before my xah did.
I'm not sure why I was so long winded other then a preface to saying - tread carefully. You made your last statement like quitting the beer was the final step and it would be so easy. Nothing about this is easy, even if he isn't an alcoholic he is drinking a lot of beer as a matter of course - and why would he be doing that? No matter what the answer to that question is, quitting isn't going to be easy.