Originally Posted by
Helpseeker 
I am here for advice. When registering, I assumed some of that advice would be in the form of constructive criticism. It seems most people think I'm making a terrible/unhealthy mistake, myself included. I want to be healthy, functional, and normal, hence my cry for help. The roller coaster doesn't prove that lifestyle to be possible... maybe ever. However, it doesn't hurt to get advice before deciding to give up on someone you care about. Please do share, pleasant or not, your truth might be an eye opener.
This language reflects black and white thinking. There is no edict that you must give up on a person.
We have learned that we can love a person, care about their life, hope that their life improves AND YET
not take a front-row seat to the hard action of either getting sober life skills, or circling the drain. WE do not need to drown in
their process of
their life. We can love a person, care about their life, hope that their life improves WHILE we go about tending to our own life, giving ourself a safe buffer zone from the storm of THEIR life, and letting time and their actions show us whether they are learning sober life skills, or choosing to circle the drain.
Oftentimes, we convince ourselves that "being there to help and support" is needed, when what it is in reality is our enmeshment with their problems and process.
We are free to remove ourselves from close proximity to things and relationships that tax and damage us, but we are just as free to re-engage with people who have done hard work and put their lives on track. We honor them, when we step out of the way, and let them focus on THEIR WORK of managing their life. We provide less distraction to them when we are not trying to help them manage their lives.
This is not "giving up," - this is "giving them their own life to own."
CLMI