Welcome.
We understand.
Things to know? The 3 c's of addiction:
You didn't cause it.
You can't change it.
You can't cure it.
Your urging, monitoring, inventory, nagging, whatever is making you unhappy and taking the focus off you and onto him.
But he is an individual adult that gets to make his own choices.
He is making them.
He is choosing to binge and abuse you (no doubt about that).
So all you can change...is you.
Do you need to grow and change yourself? Undoubtedly. We all do.
Does he? Not our business to decide whether someone else needs to grow and change.
We just get to decide how we like their treatment of us.
I have an AH.
I don't like his choices.
I FINALLY began to realize instead of figuring out how to get him to change, I needed to accept him AS IS.
Then ask myself, do I like him as is? (No.)
We spend so much time trying to please, we forget to ask ourselves if WE are pleased!
You don't sound pleased; you sound abused.
That will stop, when you put a stop to it.
You have every right to say no.
You have every right to create consequences for his behavior. If he does x, you will do y (to protect yourself and your kids).
Stick around.
Keep reading.
Check out Melody Beattie's Codependent No More
and Women Who Love Too Much.
There's GREAT resources out there.
Hugs,
Peace