Old 06-25-2010, 09:15 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
theuncertainty
Member
 
theuncertainty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Hang in there, Erica. I know it can be so hard dealing with the what-ifs (what if he had stopped drinking earlier, what if...). I left my STBXAH 2+ years ago; took our little boy who was 3 at the time and left. Leaving was hard, but it felt like it was even harder to deal with when he finally went into a rehab program and that was this spring. I've gone through all the same feelings you're describing quite recently (and they still raise their sad heads occasionally): He did it because he almost lost his job, why couldn't he do it for us? Why couldn't he do it 3, 5, 10 years ago? Why doesn't he want us/me?....

I've reached the point where I've realized I deserve so much more, our son deserves so much more. I can now honestly say that I believe my HP is looking out for us and has great plans for a safe, stable, calm home-life for us, even if it is a family with 2 rather than 3 members.

Hang in there, keep working on your recovery from life with an A and finding the tools you need to help yourself and your son. It can be such a rough road, but you will be OK. Truly.

theuncertainty is offline