I understand where you are coming from mentallyex. Last year was a tough time because my husband was drinking so much. I don't know what made it any different than the other crazy years but I realized that if I didn't do something different then the rest of my life would be just as it was then. A counselor we had been to had said, "Don't keep doing the same thing and expect different results." I kept saying that to myself and finally filed for and was granted a divorce in Jan. Now I'm going to Alanon and doing a lot of reading and working on me.
You'll know what you need to do when you are ready.