Oh Rose,
I understand how you feel (((((((((( Rose )))))))))). I wish I had some words of wisdom to tell you but I don't. I hope you can take comfort in just knowing that you are not alone. I fight with the lonely feelings and my heart cries out to my ex-a just about every day and we've been apart almost two years.
The thing is is that I truely love my husband if i didn't I think I would have been able to let him go way before now. I keep hoping that this will be the one day he'll open his eyes and see how he's destroying his life and our life together as a family. I keep hoping that he'll decide to go into some sort of program and actually do it instead of telling me he's going to.
I know how desperately you want him to realize how he's destroying your marriage but honestly until he actually gets into some sort of program that's never going to happen.
You've missed alot while you were away. My ex-a got arrested last Tuesday night for driving without a license, hit and run, and leaving the scene of an accident. That is a felony in this state. It carries 1 to 10 years. I feel so sad and hurt by him. How could he have done something so screwed up and not even consider how it would affect me and our children? I'll be raising three kids all on my own and without any child support. I'm going to have adjust how we live in a big way. I'm going to have to get another job just so I can py my bills and still be able to eat. I hate this. Even after all of this - I still love him. I want to hate him but I can't for some reason.
It will get better. Some days are alot better than others. One day at a time - even one minute at a time if that's all you can do.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love,
Galnva