litehorse;
I second and third and fourth what anyone says about attending Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. I finally went right before my XAH went back to prison for the 5th time. That seperation while he was in prison and not right in front of me, gave me the tools and time I needed to begin and work my own program so that when he was eventually released I would not fall back into my "rescuing" pattern. And, when he did relapse and return to prison, my life was not in shambles as it was in the past. I had learned coping skills that kept me healthy and much better equipped to deal with my role in all of the chaos.
You dont have to give up hope, only expectations.
Peace to you