Thank you everyone for the support and encouragement. I am one week from my due date, now. And God has thrown another wrench into the works. Be prepared for semi-incoherent ramblings... I have preggo-brain.
I got a call today from a man that AH had been in contact with about a job, and it looks like he's got it. That means pulling him out of the program and bringing him home. It would also mean that he gets to be here for the birth and that he will be contributing again.
Now... If he leaves the shelter again... see he is supposed to be homeless. If I keep letting him leave that place, the folks there are going to realize that he isn't really homeless. Although as far as I'm concerned, when he's drinking, he is not welcome in my house. I am worried that if I bring him home again, he won't be able to go back. But also, is that really my concern? Just because I may not want him in my house doesn't mean it's my responsibility to find him a roof over his head.
To add to the fun... AH swore to me that his most recent relapse was the first he'd had. But his bank statement came yesterday, and I found charges on there that indicate he bought SOMETHING at the local convenient store a week before I caught him drinking. He's STILL lying to me. But the Al-Anon part of my mind reminds me that drunks just lie, and often can't even tell they are doing it, it is so instinctive.
I hate to say this, but I almost hope I die in childbirth, so my darling baby can go live with my sister and her hubby (who are amazing people), and I don't have to deal anymore. I have already named them as the baby's legal guardians, should anything happen to me. AH was fine with that, he knows he is not cut out for single dad.
So I'm torn. I'm furious at him for lying to me AGAIN, I'm desperate to have someone here with me bringing in some cash when I have the baby, he may finally have a job after four months, I want him sober, and I love him.