thanks to all for your heart felt comments - i realize the more i read that we all travel a similiar road whether by map or some other navigation - we have to find our way to peace by letting go of what we cannot change - and accepting things as they are - not borrowing trouble from tomorrow and certainly not bringing the past into today - one thing i know - God is good - all the time and He loves my son even more than i do - but not even His love will change him until he is ready to change himself - i can say that at this point when I see my son he is still the sweet boy i've always known - i've told him that i will not forget who i have always known him to be, nor will i let him forget, but that he will have to find his solutions for his life and i will support him in all things that are good and positive for him -i saw my son this morning for the first time since his arrest 2 weeks ago - he looked good - was sweet and humble - i simply pray and continue to live my life - go to church, eat with friends, spend time with family, ride horses, play with the dogs, swim, read, work, and fight off the times when guilt or pain want to overcome me -My life verses have guided me and will continue to : II Timothy 2: 24 -26 "God's servant must not be argumentative , but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cook, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands." (The Message) i hope i do not offend anyone with my intense focus on God but He is my strength and refuge and without Him i am nothing.