Thank yo again. I know I have a drinking problem- I have been in a worse place than now and fooled myself about being able to drink 'normally'. I cannot and I know it. The huge thing for me is the 'coming out' as an alcoholic. Cannot do it. Actually hiding that I am an alcoholic seems to be to me the most important factor keeping some kind of control, dry days, etc. I know it is probably the other way round- hiding just enables me to keep drinking but when I try to visualise myself telling my husband, my mother, my children that I am an alcoholic I feel extreme anxiety.
Thanks a million for the information intention. It is indeed very useful. I will not go to the doctor because I have had several tests done due to a problem with my hip caused by running. Miraculously everything came back normal, except a deficiency on vit. D that everybody thinks is due to the lack of sun in London and but I suspect is a sign of my liver not working probably despite liver function showng normal results. That's also funny though. The problem with my hip comes from a long life of running. It is crazy how I can drink and then go for a run the day after and keep a regular regime of exercise. The level of my hiding the problem is amazing.
The kudzu thing. I am not believing for a moment that this will make me a non-alcoholic although many swear by it (probably those selling it). But I was wondering if it would help with the critical moment in the night when I crave a drink. I also mentioned it to show the extent of my problem: this finding 'remedies' on the Web, the obsession about it.