LisaJean welcome to the forum. I also lurked for a long time before I ever posted. And I felt just like you in that many of the stories were just like mine. My XAH was textbook. I finally realized that my story wasn't going be different than the others and have a magical ending. Our divorce was final in Jan. In hindsight I wish I had done it years ago. Like you, I had never been around alcoholics so it took me a very long time to realize that I was being lied to over and over and over.
Hang around here and you will get lots of support. I also recommend going to an Alanon meeting. It took me a long time to get up the courage to go but it was one of the best things I could have done.