Hi Wilde,
A lot of your story is just like mine. I stopped for periods of time during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I would control my drinking in front of others. Although family and friends knew that I liked a good drink, they were not aware of the real problem ....because that happened in secret.
Originally Posted by
Wilde10 
I do not get really wasted, but need to keep going until I am ready to sleep, although I cannot sleep more than two hours when I drink.
For the last couple of years of my drinking, I would drink myself to sleep and then wake a few hours later and spend the rest of the night wide awake, anxious but extremely tired and still drunk. I never quite understood why ....but it just got worse and worse.
I have since found out the reason and this explains why - taken from the book From Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketchum
Middle Stage Alcoholism
Most people think that withdrawal occurs when alcohol is completely eliminated from the bloodstream, but the addicted brain begins to call out its misery long before its alcohol bath is completley drained........
Thus you can be in withdrawal while you are still intoxicated.......
Withdrawal is often subtle and the symptoms seem to bear little or no relationship to excess drinking:
Anxiety
Irritability
Tremors
Nervousness
Weakness
Insomnia
Gastrointestinal distress
Loss of appetite
Elevated blood pressure
Elevated temperature
Exaggerated reflexes
The strange truth that alcoholics are often in worse shape when their blood alcohol concentration is descending than when it is as its highest level is an extremely diffiuclt point to grasp........
Logically it would seem the higher your blood alcohol concentration, the worse off you should be. Although this is typically the case for nonalcoholics, in alcoholics different physiological reactions occur. The cells of the central nervous system have adapted to alcohol, leading to the ability to function "normally" even in the presence of large amounts of the drug. With these adaptations the addicted cells literally need alcohol to carry on their normal duties. When alcohol is withdrawn, the cells become fragile and unbalanced.
The withdrawal syndrome represents a state of hyperexcitability, or extreme agitation, in the central nervous system. The brain cells, which have reached a state of equilibrium when alcohol is present in sufficient quantities, cry out for more when alcohol is withdrawn. The withdrawal syndrome is proof positive that you are physically dependent on (addicted to) alcohol.
Alcoholism is a progressive illness meaning it always gets worse. The above describes middle stage alcoholism. Next is late stage alcoholism. By this time the withdrawal a few hours after the last drink is not just subtle like insomnia, anxiety and irritability etc - it gets so bad that it is unbearable and the alcoholic has only one thing left to do and that is take a drink. This is where drinking throughout the night, first thing in the morning, all day happens.
The line you cross from middle stage to late stage alcoholism is invisible. Talk to anyone who has ended up there taking a drink as soon as they wake up just to get back to sleep again and they will tell you they had no idea it was going to happen, but once crossed there was no way back.
I know nothing about the herbs you talk about to moderate your drinking. If they worked, then I would guess millions of recovered alcholics would be using them rather than abstaining.
I think considering your history of alcohol use, your signs of addiction and withdrawal, I think it is time to quit completely, don't you?
I was just like you - and the only way I was able to quit was through working the 12 step program of AA. If you decide to go to AA, you will find plenty of support. As someone else has already said, those around you who are not alcoholic will not understand what your problem is and may still encourage you to keep drinking, without knowing that that advice could well mean that you end up dying.
I wish you all the best in finding your answers - and hope you find your way to being healthy and happy.