Wilde10

Hello all,
I have been reading for a while and have decided to introduce myself, and probably will start posting gradually.

I started drinking regularly when I was about 22 years old, but thinking of a drinking problem, i.e., drinking not only sociallly but alone at home since I was about 27. I went sober for several months a year later, only to start drinking again. I have had two kids since and have not touch alcohol during pregancies and long breastfeeding periods (8 months for first child and 10 months for second) although me wanting to 'binge' was a big reason to stop breastfeeding in both occassions.

I have never drank during the day. It has always been this wine at night, now mainly when kids are in bed. My husband likes a drink too, but feels able to stop easily, which I cannot. I do not get really wasted, but need to keep going until I am ready to sleep, although I cannot sleep more than two hours when I drink. Living in a couple makes me 'control' my drinking with some dry days in the week. For instance, have not drunk from Mon-Thursday, but more than half a bottle yesterday.

However, if I am alone travelling or any other occassion, I just make sure I get to the hotel early enough with my booze and get really drunk, despite 'networking' and social events being the most important part of any of this trips. I used to to this when I was living alone. Only the shame of behaving like a total drunk keeps me from doing it in public (when my husband is around).

I guess this all means there is no other way for me than no drinking anymore. But it is difficult for me to take that decision 'forever'. I have been reading about this 'kudzu' herb for moderation and similars. It is difficult to write this, and not sure what I am expecting from this, but as I said, I feel like I am 'sying' on you all and wanted to introduce myself first.

Thank you for reading