living in the now.grieving the past..
Today I realized that in letting go for me there is a grieving process.I never thought I would mourn the loss of alcohol or drugs in my life but I miss there numbing effects today.Knowing full well that when the numbness wears off there is pain that would be to hard to bear again as a result of using.What I realize is that drinking is not an option for me today or why the grief?Coming to realize my reactions to things in the present are feelings that come from the past and in knowing that starting to let go,wondering if these things have to be surgically removed ?How to go about letting go?Letting go of lost children that soon may go off to war?Of a love gone never to return?Of old behaviors and coping skills that dont work anymore..having health issues that are here to stay..letting go of my body as it once was?I can answer my own questions in that keeping the focus on myself I know the answers will come and I will be givin the strength to move foward.I understand today that letting go is a process I am moving out of the denial phase and going thru anger and pain at this moment.In working my 4th step it stirs me to change..I am free from alcohol and drugs today now I am moving on to be free of my other demons...which brings to mind trust god clean house..I hope this makes sense to someone...blessings,Trish