I can refer to the big book in AA, which addresses exactly what you are talking about, in many different sections of the book.
Early in the book the alcoholic is defined as self-absorbed, egotistic and driven by self-will, which of course makes life miserable for those around them.
I thought: me? Self absorbed? Not possible! I have no ego, I am a doormat for everyone! But the book points out that being self absorbed doesn't have to mean you are standing on the top of the hill screaming for attention and demanding favors from the world. It can also mean you are lying under a rock, hating yourself and wanting no attention.
Both of these behaviors still add up to being self-obsessed, they are two extremes on the same spectrum.
As long as I drank, I was blind to the extent of my self-obsession. I was full of anger: it was everyone else who created problems in my life! I wasn't blind though to the problems alcohol was causing me, but I thought it was essentially a health problem. I deluded myself about the damage it caused my family.
Why didn't I try to get help? I thought I could do it alone. I hoped that I would just stop one day. It took me a while to understand that I would need help.