SS, I am glad you are not as upset. Being sober won't make our problems/pain go away but what it does is give us a healthy life where we can see things clearly.
I am sorry you are going through this pain especially at a young age and I would say much of that can be helped with the aid of good counselor. I know it didn't work in the past but maybe get a new person that you connect with.
I know the first counselor I saw in January made actually feel awful. She was not familiar with addiction and when I told her that I quit cold turkey and felt great and wanted to get help for underlying issues/pain/etc., the witch said....."yeah right you are sober, all alcoholics tell themselves that.....you will probably relapse." WTF kinda support or encouragement was that. She looked at me in disgust. Yeah.....I finally connected with a different one who totally got my past and has been helping me understand alcoholism and why I am an alcoholic. Good guy.
Keep us posted on the rehab. If that doesn't go through is there any family you can stay with? I also will throw out maybe getting into Ameri Corp or something. You have so many options and I think a change up of location, etc. will totally help.
You need to heal and with sobriety and a program of recovery you can do it. I think if you keep on in the same scenario.....you may go back to the old habits you know. I certainly did which is why I made changes in my life to go along with sobriety.
I don't push AA on anyone, since I don't do it but getting a sponsor and beginning to work the steps could be extremely beneficial in helping you achieve a positive healthy sober life.
Point is.....there are many options. Just putting the bottle down and walking the same path won't keep you off the sauce.
You can do this so please hang on. I would go to a meeting and take up the support offers. You will be amazed at how many doors will open and of course SR is here and cheering for you.
That better place is there for you....you are getting closer!!