I can’t do it anymore.
I can’t do any of it.
My family keeps guilt tripping me, telling me what a horrible person I am as if I want to make everyone feel this way. Everything is spiraling out of control I don’t want to hurt people, don’t mean to hurt people but I can’t change the state I’m in or the way I feel.
Everyone says to get over him but I can’t. Everyone keeps telling me to accept the help I’m getting and be grateful but I just want to shut myself away from the world and…
F***
We’re supposed to go on vacation, we go every summer. We haven’t been since my brother died and last time we were there I was with Ryan as well. And he told me he loved me for the first time while we were there. I can’t go there I can’t. It’s going to hurt so bad and they’re going to make me go but I can’t handle it and they say I’m selfish and I need to realize they care about me I freking know they do but that doesn’t make the fact that he doesn’t hurt any less or any of the other crap feel any better they just don’t get it
And they wouldn’t ever accept going to this forum they hate online stuff and they won’t even go to meetings… I told them to...alcoholism is selfish and severe depression it doesn't really matter how many people care, especially on top of heart break and greif... you're not going to be happy. I'm supposed to be at work in 15 minutes but I'm too freking hysterical right now to go