Originally Posted by
mentallyexh 
gerrP - you have a way of being very up front, but saying exactly what needs to be said....thank you for that.
I know what I am getting out of the marriage, I just need to figure out how not to need that....that is the problem.
I don't know what it is that you are getting from the marriage, but this is what I was getting:
my children's DAD, whom they loved and adored, even while he made my life hell. It was very hard to contemplate taking that away from them.
he was helpful with the children. I could run errands or go on weekend trips and he never fussed about keeping them.
we were an established, cute couple in a nice neighborhood with two professional jobs and a lot of friends.
being his wife gave me instant credibility in his hometown because his family is well-established here.
we had a nice lifestyle that we were barely affording and I could never sustain it on my own.
I had someone to drive us on long trips and someone to go out to dinner with.
But I also had arguments, insults, picking fights, verbal abuse, subversive behavior with the children, constant tension, him being too drunk to drive most nights, erratic behavior, not being able to pay the bills, fear of what was happening in his practice, and a man who didn't want to be around me.
I really LIKED everything that I listed above (lifestyle, image, two-parent home) but I found that I did not need them like I thought I did. And even if I did need it, I could work around that need and replace it with my own stability, my own good judgment, my own good company, my friends, my family.
Good luck to you.
