Never had sons, but of course have now got sons-in-law and grand-daughter's hubby to be, plus memories of my late XAH and my dear dad. All of these men helped out, or still do it, in the home.
Dad peeled vegies, set table, cleaned up and did dishes after us kids left home, helped mum in lots of ways, and vacuumed the floors up to the week he died.
My XAH did housework, cared for 3 small kids when I was ill for 6 months. Later he got home before me, so when I arrived he had dinner on the go, and kids sorted.
Next generation is the same, miner son-in-law drives 300 miles home after 10 days down the pit, just finished 12 hour shift....takes dry laundry in, rinses coal out of his work clothes and washes them, hangs them out and cleans bathroom after he has showered.
Then he heads for a well earned sleep....til he is up and dressed to greet the kids from school.
I know the girls adore these men, who see them as partners in life, and treat them as such. They are bringing up their sons to do as dad does, so one day down the track, 3 more women will also be happy.
If you wow and cheer over the occassional small thing done for you, I guess that is all you get....pity you can't WOW and ***** over every darn thing you do for him and kids.
As for him saying you are a negative and defeated person.....Well hello...with him as an example and such a pathetic pain in the rotunda....I would not be surprised if you were.
Do whatever you need to keep your sanity, and build up your strength and belief, in your ability to live life happily without old worrywart, and I hope it is soon.
God bless