SS, i'm glad you are getting help....alcohol and reactive depression is a dangerous combination...Rehab will help you heal and focus on the most important person which is yourself. Your sense of happiness WILL return and you will then realize that you are worth so more than this weasel=coward could ever give you.
like staying sober, each day will get better and it will hurt a little less.
BTW, puking blood is a lot scarier than puking bile......(sorry for the graphics)...please consider what could happen be4 you start the car....yeah, imagine the worst and call someone to drive you....if you harm someone because you drive drunk, the pain you'll feel and cause to others will stay with you.