Hi Abby,
I can really relate to the daily"cycle" you're describing. With the help of coming here to SR and reading and reading , and posting when I could, I've managed to stay sober almost 60 days. (first time in nearly 10 years )
I had just thrown in the towel on my life this past year and assumed I would just fade away as a drunk. More tragic, a barely functioning drunk. After work , come home and drink by myself, ......same thing day after day,...... month after month.
I hope you won't have to wait for some "tragedy" What you said descibes exactly how I felt about my life ......"But really, my life feels like a prolonged alcohol-induced tragedy already "
I used the idea of "I'm not going to drink for this day" my first few weeks, ....just ,the "one day at a time " idea , and at the end of everyday I would remind myself; .... just how grateful I was to have gone through a whole day without drinking. The very next morning , I would remind myself how grateful I was to wake up without having gotten hammered the night before.
I've also gone to some AA meetings , because it just helps me to be around folks with the same goal (or purpose) when it comes to sobriety.
You hang in there, ....we all support and believe you can do this