Thanks again to everyone who responded to my thread. I had to take a break for a bit to just think and grieve some more.
He left so many things at my home and I find myself going through them. I know he thought he'd be back after I told him to leave. He took a few things, but not all. One of his last wishes before he became completely bedridden, was to spend one more night with me. I told him no and now I'm regretting that. I know I shouldn't but I am.
I'm just glad that the night he died I was at least able to climb into his hospital bed with him as I said. I know he knew I was there and hopefully that was enough.
I wish for all of you struggling with this disease with a loved one, strength. Even though I didn't post often on this forum, I read and read and read. It became a life support system for me. It helped me make some strong decisions. I'm still not sure if those decisions were the right ones, but I had to do what I had to do for my own sanity. I thought by doing what I did (telling him to leave) that I would save my life and hopefully his too. We had a sad ending, but hopefully this won't be the case for most of you.
I wish you strength, love and peace.
xoxo
BrandiSue