This thread has really been timely for me. I've been trying to sort out portions of my past 6 years. I vacillate between minimizing my AH actions and feeling like I'm awfulizing them. He never laid a hand on me, he would yell and yell about the stupidest sh**, but I think only when I "nagged" him about his drinking or not doing something he promised (because he was drunk). I'm not small, I'm 5'4, but he's a 6'7 rugby player. When we would argue, he would be 'right there' yelling down in my face, tense his arms and shoulders and then walk out the door. I always felt like I caused the arguments. He would yell and yell at our then-2-year old for knocking over his beer, or glass of "water" (aka vodka), when he would leave it on the floor by the couch "out of sight." When I'd step in and grab our son, he'd either stop and flop back on the couch or start in yelling at me. He would come back later and say that he's sorry that he would never hit me, that that's why he left the house.
I'm still not sure what to think, but I'm so glad I left. Mentallyexh, if you're not ready to leave, at least get a clear picture in your head where you will draw the line and know what actions you'll be willing to take when he does go over that line. Keep your and your daughter's safety and well-being at the top of your priority list.