Welcome Sherby.
I wonder, is it the fantasy of the perfect man that you are chasing? Many people do, and even when addiction is in the picture, many fantasize of how good life could be "of only".
The man sounds controlling to the point of being abusive almost, and I don't see much in your description of him that would appeal to anyone. You may see that man that used to be, or you may see the man that might be "if only" but sweetie, that's not the man he is and you are chasing an illusion.
You say your husband is a good man, and he's either but treats you well. You may want to seek counseling and try to find out what it is that puts distance between you.
I know it's hard, and my heart goes out to you. Others will be along who have walked in your shoes, so stick around and make yourself comfortable, you are not alone here.
Hugs