I hope you make that call Laura. I know all too well the difficulties in quitting. I knew alcohol was killing me and my life was a mess but the pull towards alcohol was overwhelming. It was in my head that I needed it, couldn't live without it, etc. Hence why I was boozing for 10 years. Not that I loved every minute of it but was in your place many a time.
Most of us do understand you and have been there which is why we all have said what we have. I would lie to say that quitting is easy and I felt fine. It was a horrid experience but just quitting is not enough. Been there and done that.
I think you beat yourself up too much about the relapse. You are sober again right? Picked up and back on the wagon right? Now you need the support to help with making the positive changes in you and around you. Sobriety is a new you and a new life.
We fully support you and there are many different options for support and they are there for a reason. We want nothing more to help you with your sobriety.
I haven't met anyone on SR that has criticized me or didn't get me. I may have been a little unsure at first of a few comments but now that I am moving along in my recovery....I get what they were saying.