Shameless plea for support
If any of you remember me, my son is a heroin addict who is in a methadone maintenance program, as far as the opiates go, he has been doing well on the program and has tapered down to almost half of his dose in an effort to get off the methadone completely (sadly I almost dread that day as I know the chance of relapse is high)...
Anyway, he managed to develop a problem with benzos..xanax in particular...about a year ago, it got really bad and I did all the wrong things naturally...crying, begging, threatening, snooping, ya all know the drill. He cleaned up off the benzos last summer for almost six months and managed to land a GREAT job in his field...within a month of starting that job, got a hold of some xanax, went to work stoned, and got fired...I should have kicked him out then, but let him stay as he enrolled himself into an outpatient rehab program. He actually did well in this program, completed it and was suppose to continue with meetings, etc....
well this lasted for about a month before the benzos were back last week. It was crazy and my daughter was amazed at my super charged 'spidey senses' as I KNEW the day he came home with them in his pocket what was going on, I KNEW before he even snorted one pill what was coming,,,she thought I was crazy but turned out I was right. I told him then that he needed to get himself into some sort of more intensive program for his drug problem or move out. I got denial, anger (I am not doing pills, your nuts!) (If I leave you'll never see me again), etc. etc. and then quiet and cleaning up for a few more days. I kept reminding him that it is high time he get out on his own..drug problem or not and at 25 should he really be so offended that I expect him to be out on his own?
Fast forward to last night and the spidey senses were tingling when he got home, only took a hour or so before the stuffed up nose and behavior was evident to me but I let it go till this morning, I look in his room when I wake up (actually do this to make sure he hasn't died in the nite from mixing the xanax and methadone) and lo and behold, there is that obvious rolled up dollar bill on his table. That's all the proof even I need these days so before I left for work this morning I told him that although he thinks I'm clueless and obviously doesn't take anything I say seriously, I am setting a firm deadline for him to either check into a rehab program or be out by the end of June. Oh my, he was shocked that I would think he was doing any such thing and he is sick of it and he will go sleep in his car if that's what I want. I Just responded calmly that what I want is for him to get help, but I can't make that choice for him...laid out his options one more time...help or out, didn't let him drag me into an argument of his denial and left for work.
Last I heard he was ranting about how I'm crazy to think he did anything at all and 'fine, don't think I'll be visiting if you kick me out' I also got...'That's nice, I was just telling people at work how I feel sorry for people who don't have their parents support coz my mom would never kick me out'...Huh? He really hadn't been listening I guess. I just said, yeah, well maybe you thinking that has contributed to the problem. Let me know by the end of the week what you choose to do.
I only cried a little and am actually pretty calm, I prayed before I spoke to him and ask for the words and the strength to do what needs to be done, I feel like I did ok, now to keep myself from being dragged into his drama and sticking to my guns whether he cleans up again or not. That has seemed to be my problem, I put my foot down, he cleans up and acts like the son I know and as soon as he thinks my guard is down he is back at it.
Sooo sorry this is so long, but it felt really good to type out and I do love it here and really really need support and encouragement. Thank you all for being here