thanks amy, i needed to hear that and i'll do just that.
i have 3 older adult kids and 1 younger adult kid who also live on their own, in there own place and they asked me "ma, what would you tell us". that made me think, cause i would tell them the exact same things only i would't feel guilty about it and it wouldn't take me long at all to tell them. i've never consciencely treated them any different from my stepson so why do i think i have to start now. thanks
btw, it was my youngest son who was angry and he seems better at times. my stepson is the happy go lucky one most of the time and i think you are right about him acting like the grownup that he so proudly confess to be when it comes to what he wants to do and when he wants to do it.