Well, I went out to a local establishment last night and spent the evening listening to one of my favorite bands. It was a good time.
The "friend" I have been hanging-out with as of late did not want to go out with me. He had gotten off of work late last night and was too burnt-out to go out. He texted and said I could drop by his house, but he might fall asleep on me. As flattering as "THAT" sounded, I chose to stay out on the town with my ex-brother-in-law, Chuck and his beautiful wife, Beth. I was already out and about and decided to remain that way. And, I'm glad I did. It was a good time.
There were a couple men there that I "could" have had in a more intimate way. But, the thing that kept coming to me was "it's MY choice". I don't have to PROVE to anyone how free and independent I am. My parents are both dead and I don't have to rebel against anyone anymore! God smiles on me knowing what I'm capable of. He also knows I am learning my own worth in this world and don't need to depend on drugs, sex, and rock -n- roll (blues) to give me that exhiliarating feeling of being truly ALIVE!
Which brings me to another subject: Getting "old" may not be as exciting as youth, but the serenity I feel is calming. I have earned it!
When I walked out the door to leave last night, thinking to myself "...but for the Grace of God...", a nice, young man stopped me on the patio and we visited for about ten minutes. I was on my way to my truck. I recognized him as someone I had danced with earlier in the evening. He was cute, but at least twenty years younger than me. He asked if we had met each other somewhere before, somewhere else. I assured him we had NOT, unless of course, I babysat him one time and just don't remember! (He didn't like the way I joked about his age, especially when I said "Hey, I MIGHT have changed your diaper!")
He said: "Everytime I find someone really cool, there is ALWAYS a reason why we can't even try to have any kind of a relationship - Now you are telling me it's because of my age!" It was flattering, but inconceivable. REALLY. I've never given it much thought before, but I NOT attracted to younger men. I can see ten or maybe fifteen years, but any younger than that and they seem immature. Cute, but immature.
The "one" dude I WAS interested in was younger than me also, but only about ten years or so. We exchanged phone numbers. He was from out of town. He said he loved the band. I told him I used to manage that band a few years back. I asked if he had ever been around so many American Indians and he laughed and said: "I've partied in Sturgis and I've partied in Mardi Gras' so none of this is surprising to me!" Hah! That impressed me. There weren't that many non-Indians in the place but he seemed totally at ease with the whole scene!
Nice. Very nice. How I love a confident man!