I, too, struggled for years with this same issue. However, I'm definitely "there" when it comes to boundaries!! I'm so proud of myself and cannot believe how easy it is...now that I'm in control of "me" and my life. I've (finally) come to the realization I cannot control, nor change my exah.
My divorce was final 4 years ago this month and tomorrow we would have celebrated our 12th anniversary. I'm not sad, I'm very happy with my life with my boys and celebrate the freedom of living withOUT an addict.
My boundaries are, and have been, in place for quite some time and I actually have SR to thank!!!