It's also difficult when you have a 12 year old son who already has depression and anxiety
Have you considered Alateen for him?
I really feel for you. I've read your other posts and you've got an entire family suffering with codependency. I've come believe it's at the root of addictive personalities, whether it involves substances or not.
I don't have any advice other than the question I asked. You're already doing what you need to do for yourself. I just want you to know I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.