Thanks everyone. Last night I had a quality talk with my sponsor. She told me to look at what I am willing to accept, what I am not willing to accept. She also told me to write 3 letters. The first, write exactly as I was talking to her, let all the anger out, let it all go. The second, remove the anger and the feelings and just write out the facts. The third, write the facts in a way that I feel he will be receptive to them. It doesn't matter if I give the letter to him or not, it only matters that I get what I am feeling out.
I always have an hour set aside each night for myself. That hour is my prayer and meditation time. She told me after I write the letters to spend my hour praying and meditating on the situation with my husband and see what God has to say.
Well, this morning, unprovoked, my husband told me that he is going to call his sponsor today and start going to meetings again. Maybe he heard me on the phone with my sponsor last night, maybe God opened his eyes, I don't know what happened, I just hope he means it.
We will be married 13 years next month. It's not that easy to just walk away from a marriage that used to be good. It's also difficult when you have a 12 year old son who already has depression and anxiety, who begs us not to get divorced every time he senses that we are fighting. (we don't fight in front of our kids, we agreed on that a long time ago, little spats are one thing, but we keep the big issues to ourselves).
Working on my own recovery is work enough, trying to add another person to the mix is hard.