First, thank you for this thread, it is an area that I have been struggling with lately. I will be clean and sober (God willing) 14 years this coming August. I have learned alot about me. The area of being on the other end however is new to me. Recently, my daughter (20 years old) has been making really bad decisions, and my husband (coming up on 22 years clean and sober) has been a dry drunk for a long time. I try to set boundaries with both, but am having a hard time keeping it about me and not making demands on them.
Originally Posted by
ThatLittleGirl 
I struggle with the concept of boundaries and my kids where my AH is concerned... He always says my boundaries where the girls are concerned are really attempts to be a co-dependent and control him. But I don't want him driving the girls around half-lit on opiates or amphetamines or any other narcotic...and obviously I cannot trust him to tell me the truth...so there's the stale mate.
How do you manage the boundaries of letting your EXAH be whoever he is going to be...do whatever he is going to do... and yet not allow him to put your son in an unsafe situation???
As for the above question, when my kids were little if their father (my exah) wanted the kids for his weekend visit, I had to SEE him face to face and make a decision if he was drinking or using at the time. I told my kids that if he starts drinking or acting funny (they knew we were both addicts) and if they got scared they should call me and I would come and get them. There were a few times that they called me, and sometimes his mother would call me because he lived with her.
I told him if he wants to spend time with his kids he had to be clean and sober at least for that weekend.
Again, thanks for this thread, I am going to keep checking it to see what I can learn.