SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Not a good day for me, emotionally. (warning: may be triggering)

05-21-2010, 07:50 AM

# 15 (permalink)

zbear23

Member

Join Date: Mar 2010

Posts: 385

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beantowngirl

I skipped my class and got my butt to a Naranon meeting tonight and so I am feeling better and a little more centered.

It's scary to me that I was making secret plans to try to manipulate things, plans that I wasn't letting myself acknowledge or admit to myself. It shows me that it really is like being addicted, just to a person instead of a drug. Reminds me of how my ex would describe how he'd realize only after a relapse that he had been planning it for awhile, just wasn't letting himself see it.

Hi Beantowngirl. As I write this I'm sitting in my RV at Nahant Beach, on the Northshore of Boston. Totally lovely day.

While codependency is certainly a strategy to avoid our own inner demons in favor of being externally oriented, I think that relating to the notion of being "addicted to an addict" is a mistake. More often than not, I've found that codependency fits nicely into a description of adrenaline addiction: the rescuing behavior, the life on the edge of crisis management, the "high" of tilting at windmills, and the "low" of failing to make a difference. Adrenaline is the drug of choice not only of codependents, but of many in the "caring" professions, such as nurses and therapists; also those whose occupations require dealing with crisis....like first responders, police, firefighters, etc. Codeps seem naturally drawn to such professions. Adrenaline is unbelievably powerful...such that it can enable a 90 pound woman to actually lift a car off her child trapped beneath it. It is the fight or flight drug, and it is much more addictive than nearly any other drug imaginable. It is also more damaging, since it is so powerful: it actually causes much of the same physical destruction as alcoholism, and codependent spouses regularly die before their alcoholic husbands or wives....often from cardiac distress and strokes, associated with the stress of living via crisis management.

I've presented this notion to many who identify themselves as codependents, and it usually resonates. My experience is that the solution has to do with those "loaded feelings" (OMG...he's late..better check the hospitals, jails, etc)....which trigger the adrenaline rush. (anger is a primary "loaded feeling" that is a brilliant cover up for the hurt and self hatred experienced by most codeps....it tends to wipe out all the other feelings.) So, being mindful of these loaded feelings can be the first step towards managing them, and frankly, a good course on anger management is often very helpful for those suffering from codependency.

And lest I forget.....CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy that you got the opportunity to avoid some awful consequences, and to chalk it up to experience. You are truly blessed. And courageous, too!! :ghug3

blessings
zenbear