I So appreciate you sharing this. Thank you.
My husband is going to a treatment center at the end of the month.
I had a few thought reading this
My mom stayed with my dad till we were grown up and out of the house and I know she thought "it is what is best for the kids". Simply put, it is NOT always what is best for the kids. He will always be their dad, and the respect they have for him now and will have later, is up to him. By 8 yrs old I was fully aware that my mom and my life would be better without all the fighting and for the following 10 years I begged her to leave him, til I DID. I also know that divorce is awful for a child, my niece is 4yrs old and has been going through it for 2 years, it is sad. However the joy in her mom is her stability... I know her future is brighter than it was before.
Anyway, I have no idea, and won't pretend to know. But it does sound like more time apart could be good for both of you and better for the kids to not be around a "bad temper". What about separation, while you continue to work on you and he himself? .. It's too bad his mom would take him in, with his own rent to pay he would be getting his move on, and quit being lazy (I'm very thankful my AH is not lazy.. lazyness bothers me soooo much)
My guess is it will take continual actions towards bettering himself, ones you can see, for you to feel any different about him than you do right now when you look at him. From the time he was gone, you already know feeling good and enjoying your life is apart from him. You are strong, you don't want him to burden your life and I'm sure a lot to do with that urge for him to just leave is that you know he has no right to burden you, or weigh you down in anyway, anymore. You are only responsible for your own actions...not his, including his temper tantrums and depression.
I took a deep breath when my husband starting taking antibuse. For about a month I felt great from the lift of worry alone. That faded and I have spent the past couple years dealing with the real emotions that got ignored because the focus was on fear of the consequences of his drinking for all of us. It is great for him to be dry(er) but so many other things start sprouting up (including looking at him with zero desire to be with him, wondering if I could turn off a switch and walk away). Taking pill that will make you sick if you drink or a month dry from rehab/detox is the same in removing the drink.. we don't disregard how big that is for them but I think there is LOTS of work ahead.
My husband is still taking the antibuse. He was in therapy for a year,,,, and during that year started smoking pot. He rarely goes to AA, ditched the therapist and when he smokes he smokes A LOT. He has had many sober days from pot too, anywhere from 4-18 days in a row on his attempts to quit. Three times this year has stopped taking the anitbuse just for a good ol binge drinking session, they lasted 2 - 3 days till he looked like death and was filled with remorse and regret and took up his pills again. He needs real desire, real help and needs to work hard... not that little pill.
I'm happy he is not lost in his drinking all of the time anymore, but pot sucks too. I don't play games with him anymore, he doesn't get to manipulate me, I don't feel like my world is falling apart when he falls apart and I'm not sure what it will be like when he goes through treatment but I do have hope for our future.
Sorry, I rambled ..many thoughts came from reading your post.
Thanks again for sharing.