So....the parents called me this afternoon, presumably to "catch up", but the conversation quickly turned to AS and her problems. They told me, "AS wants to talk to you." I told them in a calm and matter-of-fact way, "well, I'm not really ready for that yet, so I'd prefer not to." That was not okay with them, and resulted in my father cursing and my mom starting to cry and yell at me, "but this is what AS needs." (Notice how she wasn't acknowledging my needs, but only AS's needs). I calmly expressed, "I can tell you are upset, so it might be better to talk another time. Bye". And I hung up the phone.
I was feeling agitated / aggravated / upset at that point, imagining that in about an hour, I would get an enraged email from my mom expressing how disappointed and angry she is with me (the usual pattern).
Meanwhile, the sun was shining outside (a rare sunny day this week; it's been raining a lot), and I decided that I was not going to waste my day by brooding over this situation, so I took my bike out for a long ride on a trail by the water. My bike and I got reconnected and as I rode further, the calmer and more empowered I felt. I took my banana break by the water and watched the waves, the birds, and the wildflowers. And it suddenly "clicked" with me--that I can choose to not be enmeshed in this madness, that I don't have to live in this craziness if I don't want to. At that moment it just seemed so simple to me (an epiphany?). And as I watched the water and nature and calmness around me, I realized that this is what I would be missing today if I had chosen to stay inside and brood and try to "make up" with my parents for what they perceive to be a "wrongdoing". They may still be on the crazy train, but I can get off it.
I checked my phone, and indeed I had an email from my mom, but I deleted it without reading it. I'm 33, I have my own life, and I certainly don't need anyone telling me how disappointed they are in me for choosing to live my life the way I wish to or to question the boundaries that I need in my life right now.
So I just thought I would share. This place has given me so much strength--more than you will ever know--and I thank you for being there for me.
I'm feeling good now (tho' it could be the endorphins from a 15 mi. ride!), but I feel at peace with my decision to take a break from my parents and my AS for now.