I don't know if I'm strong, or just really scared of getting stuck in that dysfunctional, unhealthy rut.
I've had 5 months of being with me (and I LIKE me!!); of doing and thinking whatever I want, whenever I want. I've been slowly...s l o w l y trying to recover from my relationship with him. I've been very alone sometimes, and very scared; and I've felt so bad about myself thinking I'm not attractive enough or intelligent enough or interesting enough or sexy enough. Being with him brings out the worst in me, and I don't want to go back there.
Sometimes just the THOUGHT of even talking to him makes my heart pound; I realize I have a physical reaction - and not in a good way.
So I don't think it's strength really - more like self-preservation.