I skipped my class and got my butt to a Naranon meeting tonight and so I am feeling better and a little more centered.
It's scary to me that I was making secret plans to try to manipulate things, plans that I wasn't letting myself acknowledge or admit to myself. It shows me that it really is like being addicted, just to a person instead of a drug. Reminds me of how my ex would describe how he'd realize only after a relapse that he had been planning it for awhile, just wasn't letting himself see it.