hi there....ive been on your roller coaster before - i am still with my recovering addict boyfriend - but in a much better place now as HE has made the decision to stop trying to fool himself and others into thinking he was alright
what i personally had to come to terms with was the fact that nothing i did (other than enable his behaviors) made a difference in making him come to terms with the need for his sobriety until he was ready.
my bf was into the opiates too - tough tough stuff. i caught in the beginning of your post how you said 'relapsed twice that i know of' its a good thing that you are able to admit that. addicts are great liars - not because they wanna hurt you, but its the addict in them trying to survive.
i don't have personal experience with subs - only from witnessing my boyfriend go back and forth from subs to using when he couldn't afford to use. but he has stated to me he could catch a buzz from the subs at times. though i know it can be different for others, so maybe that's why she was taking more? does she have a script or getting them off the street?
smoking and drinking a lot is just her addiction popping up with different drugs and in my personal experience its only a matter of time until she finds her way back to her love and her DOC.
addiction is horrible and seems to grab hold of the most amazing people. the worst part is is that it not only affects the one who is addicted but anyone who cares for and loves that person. it is totally consuming. just as the addict needs to realize that s/he is powerless over addiction - we (those who have addicted loved ones) need to realize the same. my advice to you is to be there to support her when she is making healthy sober choices and make sure she knows that you are there for her always when she is making steps towards her sobriety but not when she is engaging in addict behaviors. the best that you can do for her is keep yourself healthy and strong. i know that when my bf was in the midst of his darkest days of using i was the biggest enabler - because i thought i was doing good for him - i have now realized that i added to the problem. the best you can do is be strong and healthy and supportive of her sobriety and realize that it is a choice she needs to make and be committed to.
private message me if you ever need to vent
christie