Well...my take is this: apologies or no apologies, if the drinker isn't in recovery then it's all the same: meaningless. Empty words. Things said to keep the partner in the same place, same conversation, same distraction. Doesn't mean a thing!
So your AH has learned that you respond to guilt. It's not that you're weak, you're just plain HUMAN, and he will continue to press those buttons. Are you thoughtless and uncaring about your kids? Of course not! If you were completely uncaring of your children's wellbeing you would have let his sorry a** stay there, drinking into oblivion, letting the kids be in the house while he finds other reasons to wrap his hands around your neck. Which, by the way, is domestic violence, which tends to intensify/progress (just like alcoholism).
It's not that he doesn't want the relationship, he just wants you to accept whatever abuse he plans to deal out to you, wants you to shut up about his drinking, desire nothing for yourself or your kids, so that ALL of you can respond to his every whim. He is firmly in the grasp of this disease, and there's not a d*mn thing you can do about it.
At least, that's my experience with my exA... And I had to get out of the relationship, make a commitment to my life and my kids, and am figuring out how to be alone. Hell, I was ALONE in the relationship! What I'm finding out now is that I am actually exceedingly good company for myself: trustworthy, loyal, thoughtful, hospitable, calm, supportive. All the stuff my exA couldn't truly recognize and appreciate because of the distraction of alcohol and other behaviors...now I get to shower myself with the good stuff I deserve! I have no idea when I'll get into another relationship, but I know it will NOT involve the kind of cr*p that I've put up with before.
Big hugs, mentallyexh. Get in touch with your dreams for yourself, and the dreams your children have, and I'm pretty sure that NONE of those dreams includes the kind of treatment that this man is dishing out.
posie