FreeingMyself

Ok...so quickly AH started drinking again, and I knew it was going to increase so several days ago I told him I would not do it again, so he had a choice to make. When he came home drunk for the 5th time in 2 weeks - (the first time after I told him to make a choice) - I send an email asking him to find somewhere else to stay as long as he is going to drink and not seek recovery. So that was Sunday AM. Now, he sent me some rather mean messages like, tell my kids when you kiss them goodnight I am sleeping in my truck, and other similar things. So finally my guilt got the best of me and I said fine you can come back just don't drink. So he was here this evening acting like everything was "normal" like nothing had happened....just like every other time. So I looked at him and said I'm not going to pretend everything is ok...it is going to take work. He got angry and left the kitchen and said fine I won't take anymore of your time.....got angrier said a few more things took his things and left. OK....so now he is gone again....so here is my question what is it that makes me "crack" when I know what I am doing is right? And then this, which is about his behavior - I have read on here tha tmost of the AH's actually apologize to their wifes when they have done hurtful or mean things......, they actually tell them they was them back...mine has NEVEr apologized not even for putting his hands around my neck in the past......so does he reallly not feel the need to apologize, or maybe he just doesn't really want any of this either???? Anyway, ,your thoughts are very much appreciated.