thanks so much for sharing your experiences. Mine is scarily similar with the heartfelt conversations and the understanding, then the complete disregard and hurting of feelings. The thing is right now, that he is really fed up of it all too – he says how we cant go on arguing like this and that something needs to change and we need to work at it or end things. Much as I know I play a role in the problems, it is him that causes most of the arguments by being rude to me or getting drunk. I don’t see what I can do to change these things – all I can do is not engage with him when he’s starting an argument. He says that he is all over the place at the moment with his health problems etc and that he cant deal with our fragile relationship – he wants to know if we are properly together or not, and we both need to stop saying that we might as well break up every time we argue. I totally agree with that – it’s both of us that do it.
We rarely argue when we’re together or when he stays with me at the weekend and we both get on with our own things as well as spending time together. We only have these problems during the week when he is usually drinking or doing nothing. I get so fed up with him not moving things forward and looking for work or just doing what he can to get better. I can’t help thinking that if we did live together things would improve, but I know that is probably a bad idea as it wont solve the underlying issues. It would get him away (a bit) from his area and the ‘mates’ he hangs around with sometimes. It would maybe give him a fresh start to work on his problems. Its not a good idea though when things are rocky like this is it? Every weekend I cant help thinking that if things stayed like that he would get better. That’s me being stupid isn’t it? My head is all over the place at the moment.