View Single Post
Old 05-10-2010, 12:07 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Kmber2010
Member
 
Kmber2010's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
NewChapter I hear you on your situation. We spent about 7 months (under the same roof mind you....talk about losing it) during our divorce trying to handle it ourselves yet relying on our attorneys.

It was such a mess and I would have handled it through a mediator or something but ex ran to get an attorney within a day or so after we decided to just give up. I honestly didn't care anymore. I was miserable and tired of fighting and tired of living my free time in a room with the bottle trying to numb my brain.

We settled finally but I got a fair deal as did he. We went only a week away from our court date before we settled. He agreed to the settlement and I agreed to move out.

I honestly just needed out of that house. The time I was there was wrought with the whole maybe I can fix this...and the pain of seeing him, living in a home we made together, and for me it was 9 years of my life that was built that was going down the drain. I was turning 35 and I didn't think I could ever love or be loved again, how could I restart my career and education and live on my own. How could this happen to me. What would I do and where would I go. The worst part was that sometimes I would rather take the bad situation and have something that maybe could be fixed then to be alone with nothing. Yeah, that weighed on me with my divorce and I turned to drinking again to handle it. Sadly, my drinking made me such a weak person. It brought out the darkest and most painful thoughts. Somehow I thought I deserved all of it. Twisted time in my life but divorce in itself is a grieving process you know.

We got to court and somehow I felt liberated/free and strong. I felt that whole....I am over this crap and I can't live my life until this person is gone. He tried to stir up some pityful "feel sorry for me" nonsense with the judge but he was put in his place promptly. He was trying to get the judge to feel his pain. The judge got my story, looked at my finances and the facts spoke for themselves. I got effed in my marriage.

End of story is that he is still stuck in our home unable to sell it, is I guess involved with one of our neighbors (knew he was up to something years back) and I hope that one day he will get his own therapy for his issues - anger, depression and possible bi-polar.

Me I did what I had to do. Moved out in a few days time to a home with my dog and I picked up the pieces. I met my best friend and hubby actually as a friend after my divorce. He knew all about me and knew all about my drinking.

Enough ramble and sorry for hijacking. Divorce before it happened seemed like a tragedy to me but immediately after I looked at it as a blessing. I also finally got the much need counseling that I should have sought years earlier prior to trying to self-medicate.

All the best Stay strong and know that it gets better.

I
Kmber2010 is offline