It is as if your lives are two plants and each person has enough soil and water and sun to feed one plant.
He is giving all his soil and water and sun away to alcohol.
You are giving all your soil and water and sun to him.
You are left with nothing and you are withering away.
Wanting to curl up and watch tv and be numb.
All the obsessing we do with
What is he doing
What is he feeling
What is he thinking
Does he love me
Is he trying
Can he change
Is he being fair
Does he need me
What does he need
on and on and on about HIM.
There is no space left for you in your head or your life.
But there is a life waiting for you.
It requires you to stop REACTING to HIM and start ACTING for YOU.
Who do YOU want to be (not in relation to HIM)?
What do YOU want to do?
Where do YOU want to go?
He's not one of your limbs or your children or your siamese twin.
Life does not REQUIRE you to have him live in your mind rent free.
Life does not REQUIRE him to be in your life at all.
Life does not require you to mourn him.
Who are YOU?
What are YOUR dreams?
How 'bout after you make that list of all the ways he has jacked you (that's a good list), you make a list NOT about HIM?
How 'bout you make a list of the places you've always wanted to travel to
or the jobs you've always wanted to do and think about how to do them
or the skills you've always wanted to learn and how you can learn them
or the people you've always admired and how you can be more like them
or the places you've always wanted to live and how you can get there
or the kinds of people you've always wanted to hang out with and how you can meet them
or maybe you don't have a list of any of those things.
maybe when you go to make that list, it's blank.
maybe you have been OTHER centered so long you forgot there was a you there.
So okay.
Make ONE choice.
Pick ONE thing every day, perhaps randomly, that's NEW to do or learn about or try or go to.
And explore it to help you learn WHO YOU ARE.
You feel empty without him because you have forgotten there is a YOU to replace him!
This is a quote from a book Internal Affairs - A Journalkeeping Workbook for Self Intimacy by Kay Hagan.
"Without intimacy, we remain isolated, shut down, numb and estranged from life. Knowing the self - gently and respectfully learning who we are, what we want, how we feel, what we think - allows us to bring that knowledge and experience of loving intimacy to our relationships with others [and ourself]. In our self-intimacy, we have the opportunity to create the kind of relationship we most desire. We can treat ourselves the way we want to be treated. Do you know how this would be in your relationship to yourself?
Ask youself:
Do I share my thoughts and feelings with myself?
Do I nurture myself?
Do I trust myself?
Am I vulnerable with myself?
Do I pleasure myself and have fun with myself?
Do I accept myself? Judge myself?
Do I experience energy and intensity in my relationship with self?
Am I willing to be revealing with myself?
Do I truly listen to my own thoughts?
Do I spend quality time with myself, and do I make this time a priority?
Am I committed to myself?
Do I treat myself with respect?
Do I accept my feelings, whatever they may be?
"For most of us, it is easier to display these characteristics in our relationships with other people than it is with ourselves. In fact, we rarely consider what the qualities of intimacy is in our relationship with self or pay attention to it at all. This invisible presence in our lives is the most enduring and influential relationship we will ever have. And how we treat ourselves affects everything else we do.
"Spend a few minutes imagining an ideal evening. It might include a candle-lit dinner, a long bubble bath, a mystery novel, a walk in the moonlight, anything you like. Describe the evening in great detail. After you have completed your description, make a date to share this evening with yourself, and do it! After the evening, record your responses in your journal."
Hugs, Peace