nodaybut2day

Hi again SR family. Guess who wants to work something out that's rather unrelated to the overall topic of the board? Yep. Me.

Ok, so following my super duper court victory on Monday, I'm left with what I consider to be a difficult moral dilemma regarding going after AH for child support.

My lawyer asked me to find out where AH works, and if I couldn't, to hire a firm to find out. Then she would subpoena his employer and get the ball rolling on determining child support and garnishing his wages. I'm still unclear if my divorce will proceed if child support hasn't been determined...

I made a call yesterday and found AH's name in the company directory at his old employer. I should probably verify that he works there but I'm having some second thoughts. I worry that once I get the ball rolling for CS, it'll have some negative repercussions (such as AH will suddenly want to spend *more* time with DD). As much as I hope that being garnished for CS will cause him to want to move out of province where it'll be more difficult for me to go after him, I know it's not easy to just up and leave a city when you're got a stable job, a child in school and a girlfriend. And knowing how lazy AH is, he won't move unless someone does the whole thing for him. So I imagine he'll stay, get garnished and that it'll have a negative impact on my former DSS, who I still think about a great deal (and who I sometimes get a glimpse of when I drop DD off).

I'm trying very hard to remind myself that I don't control the outcome of any situation, just myself, but also that "when in doubt, do nothing". However, I don't want to delay my divorce over this. I kind of wish I could just have my divorce and leave things as they are right now.

I don't need to CS, and somewhere inside, there's a very deep-seated need not to be beholden to AH in any way, shape or form. He took everything from me--my self-respect, my self-esteem, my independence, and I've worked hard to take it back. I guess there's a part of me that wants to prove to myself that I can raise DD on my own, without his help thankyouverymuch and hopefully, without his interference.

Then there's an opposing voice that reminds me that since he made these kids, he is obligated to help raise them and pay for their needs. So far, he's shirked his responsibilities for all but 1 of his kids...

And then, finally, there's AH's 3rd wife, mother of his 3rd son, with whom I'm still in contact with. She wrote to me recently and expressed a desire to go after AH for the 8K that he owes her in CS arrears. Now I know it's not my business or responsiblity to help *her* get CS, but I do know that her actions might have some negative repercussions on me, DD, and on my former DSS. I know how unstable AH is and I don't want him to go into a rage if he gets it into his head that I was the one who provided his 3rd wife with the information she needs to find him.

Ugh...my brain is mush from thinking about this, and it doesn't help that there's seems to be an important deadline looming ahead, forcing me to decide what to do.

Input anyone? I'd really appreciate your thoughts...