Thank you so much.
I turned off my phone and I fell back asleep. Just barely woke up again and again am freaking out a bit but am a little less tired and am trying to sort through all this.
When I turned my phone back on, there was no messages or anything so I am going to take Hammerhead's advice (and thank you for being back! I needed to see that: Nothing changes if nothing changes) and I am going to write some things down and figure out from there. Make a priority list.
This morning it did hit me like a ton of bricks and EVERYTHING was flooding out of me at once and I wanted to run. I wanted to take off, never look back and get the hell out of here. Which of course is not an option for me. I have a career, own my place and quite frankly, I like my life aside from the crap he puts me through.
And Leise... YOu are right too. Of course he is wasted. Any excuse to drink is a good enough excuse. Doesn't matter what it is.
His excuse earlier today: He didn't have an alarm clock. My thoughts on that: Alarm clocks are as cheap as $10. That handle of vodka he is drinking a day is $8.99 on top of the shooters he is buying at $1.09 a pop... Ummm, could've bought an alarm clock.
Wow. Well, again, thank you everyone. I have a lot to figure out in my jumbled mind. I do know one thing for a fact: I will not and cannot let him back and fall for his manipulation. It will end up being the death of me.